Grey Bears

This weekend with Scientist's parents went super well. Friday night we went to Cedar Rapids and had some of the richest lasagna I've ever had in my life (Scientist had meatloaf, as did his mother, which I think, made everyone happy because it meant he'd finally shut up about how the great the meatloaf was and just eat it). Thankfully, everyone loved their food, so I scored points for choosing the restaurant.

As expected my mom and Scientist's parents hit it off. My mom and Scientist's mom, especially got along well. Another for the win column.

The rest of the weekend went pretty well also. I worked Saturday and Sunday morning at the butt crack of dawn, which kind of sucked, but I made fairly good tips for a Saturday morning.

Speaking of suck, don't even get me started on how the Hawkeyes played against Northwestern. Jesus. I can't believe we lost to Northwestern.

Then, Sunday night after the Grey Bears had left (that would be my cute nickname for Scientist's parents), Steve and I made ourselves a really great dinner. We used to do this all the time this past summer, but unfortunately our schedules have gotten sort of crazy these past few weeks and we haven't done made anything in a long time. Anyway, we made this Morroccan stew with ginger, beef, lentils and garbonzo beans and then a side of the yummiest zucchini frittatas. God, it was so good!

Next weekend will be, hopefully, equally as mellow. Then the weekend after that we're heading to Chicago where I hope to see my dear friend BRIAN (who has not e-mailed/called me in ages, ahem!) and where Scientist is presenting at a conference. The weekend after that we're going to St. Louis for Thanksgiving....It's going to be a full November.

This Weekend....

This weekend should be fun. Scientist's parents are coming into town for the Iowa vs. Northwestern game, so I'm most likely going to be busy doing stuff with them. Tonight we're going to CR to meet my mom and all 5 of us are having dinner at a place called Granite City. We went there for my birthday well over a month ago and Scientist is still raving about how totally awesome their meatloaf and mashed potatoes dish is, so he insisted we go back there again.

I think my mom and Scientist's parents will get along really well. My mom's job is very similar to Scientist's dad's job, and since all my mother does any more is work (much to my chagrin), they'll have plenty to talk about.

I spent all day today cleaning, doing laundry and working out. Normally, I wouldn't have cared but, I needed to get all my stuff done by 4:30 when Scientist's parents are suppose to arrive, plus I've had a long two weeks of school and I was really looking forward to unwinding with some coffee and a book. Alas, I'm a big girl and I stuff I needed to get done, plus I had nothing to read. Oh well, at least I got the coffee.

Seriously Irritated

Okay, so I skipped my Biostats discussion today, which, in and of itself is not good or really excuseable, but, in this case, is totally understandable. Here are the reasons why:

First, I took an extremely difficult Epi test (Epi= Epidemiology for you non-public health folks) today which fried my brain completely. I was so frustrated afterwards: I studied quite a lot for that damn test and I'm not sure I'm even going to get an A.

Secondly, I'm still pissed about getting the exact same score on my Biostats test as I did on the last one even though (again) I studied like a madwoman, re-worked all the problems on the homework (and got them all perfect) and paid close attention to everything my professor and TA said. I know I shouldn't be too irritated--the class average drop 10 points and mine stayed the same.

Finally, the College of Public Health.....Jesus, where do I start? I turned in a new (sort of) letter of intent for the Global Health program today in hopes of being admitted to the GH program for spring 2007. I had gone around and around with the new secretary about whether or not I needed to submit a new application or application fee for my most current effort (this is to get into department I should've been admitted to anyway, but whatever). I explained to the new secretary that the old secretary told me that, no, I didn't need to fill out anything else or submit any new materials, seeing as how nothing else had really changed other than the fact that I was being cool enough to put forth a lot of effort and take two math intensive classes, which, truth be told, are really hard for people IN the program, let alone for a poor shmuck like me who has had no math at all since high school.

Unfortunately, even after clearing this up I get a call this afternoon from a woman with a really urgent sounding tone in her voice saying I needed to make sure I filled out a new grad application for the Grad Admissions office right away. I patiently explained my situation, and that I had been over this before with both the new and old secretary and we had determined that no, I did NOT need to fill out a new form, but this woman insisted I fill out a new form. When I told her, in my I'm-really-trying-hard-not-to-scream-right-now voice that I was told explicted that I DID NOT NEED TO FILL OUT A NEW FORM by the old secretary (who had been there for years) the new woman said, well, that's too bad but "there was nothing I can do about it now, retroactively". This...well, this pissed me off.

So, I dragged my ass out of bed, called Graduate Admissions and was promptly told that no, I did not need to fill out another form. All admissions needed to do was send a new recommendation form to the College of Public Health to be filled out by whoever regarding whether or not I will actually be admitted to this damn program. Then she asked what program I was applying to. I told her and she said, "There is no Global Health program." I tried to explain to her that it was housed, so to speak, in a different department, but this woman kept cutting me off and telling me she didn't know where to send the form because the department that houses the Global Health program doesn't offer an MPH (um, I'm pretty sure this isn't true, but I was not about to argue with her). After explaining again and again everything I know about the program I know exists, and to which I'm applying to this spring, I gave up.

After I got off the phone with this woman, I was ready to throw the phone across the room. These people really do not know their heads from their asses, and in an effort put everything in its place, they've completely organized themselves into disorganization. On the surface everyone looks like they know what their doing, but really, they don't.

Eventually, I got a call from the woman at grad admissions saying she was sending my grad application materials to the department that houses Global Health (um, I TOLD YOU TO DO THAT TO BEGIN WITH) and everything was cool. I asked her if I needed to fill out another application. She said absolutely not and she didn't know why I was told to do that to begin with, since the College of Public Health already has everything they need anyway.

So, you see, I ditched my class so I could go to the gym and sweat out my frustrations. Don't you think that was the right choice?

Sore Arse(s)

This is a picture from our fabulous biking vacation in Augusta, Missouri. Actually, at the time this photo was taken there had been no biking whatsoever done. We were, in fact, enjoying a very nice meal at a local brewery the night before our aforementioned fabulous biking vacation.

Let me back up and start from the beginning. Friday afternoon we took off from Iowa City for Augusta. We had, er, Scientist, rather, had made a reservation at the cutest, sweetest little bed and breakfast in Augusta. Apparently, this part of Missouri is known for its wines, and it attracts a fair number of tourists interested in combining some nice uncomplicated wine with biking. An admittedly uncommon combination, but one that works nevertheless.

Anyway, we spent our first (and only night) in Augusta enjoying some semi dry white wine and a nice meal at a local brewery. It would've been nice if one of the wineries had actually stayed open later so that we could've enjoyed sat outside, drank and relaxed, but apparently this time of year they have really funky hours and don't stay open late. We were a little disappointed at first, but it ended up working out well: the food we had at the brewery was good, the waitress was nice, and we got some awesome pictures taken of us together and of each other.

Then we made our way back to our room at the bed and breakfast and relaxed in the semi-broken jacuzzi bathtub (the bubble maker didn't make any bubbles, it just leaked water all over the floor, which in turn dripped water through the ceiling into the restaurant below). Our bed was huge (I literally had to run and jump onto it to get in it--no joke) , comfy and warm. I was out like a light.

The next morning we got up and had the most fabulous breakfast ever--Eggs Benedict. God damn, I love Eggs Benedict! Is there anything better in the world than eggs smothered in hollandaise sauce? In fact, I would venture to say that the bed itself, along with the breakfast made the insane price we paid for everything worth it--maybe that's why it's called a bed and breakfast (badoom ching!).

Then, we started out 26.8 mile ride. It was pretty chilly at first, but we warmed up a bit as time went along. By the time 4:30 rolled around we weren't really talking: not because we were mad at each other, but because both of are respective asses hurt. I didn't believe Scientist when he said we'd be sore by the end of our ride.

Saturday night we visited Scientist's sister, niece and nephew, and then made our way back to his parents place where I fought the urge to crash at 8 pm like the old woman I am. By Sunday afternoon we were back in Iowa City and our little den. What a kick ass weekend.

New Update Coming Soon

So, I've been incredibly busy, which is why I haven't posted squat in the last, um, 2 weeks. Forgive me. I'm in the middle of writing an update about an awesome bike trip Scientist and I went on a little over a week ago. For now, though, you'll all just have to wait until I finish studying for my Biostatistics test.


This is a picture of me drinking some nice wine we had at one of the local wineries.

HELL YEAH!

I got a 94% on that awful Epidemiology test, guys! Isn't that AWESOME?! That test was really hard and I left it thinking I had actually done a worse (possibly) on it than the last one I took. I'm so excited.

So take that University of Iowa who wouldn't accept me because they were afraid of how I'd do on math intensive courses and ended up asking me to take these two classes that are not easy for anyone let alone someone who hasn't taken any math since 11th grade. (Um, maybe this would be WHY I didn't do well on the math section of the GRE? Ya think?)

HA!

Good thoughts

Ever since I was little I use to do this thing with my Mom and Dad where, whenever I had some sort of important event (i.e. an interview, test, surgery, etc.) I asked them to think good thoughts for me. I always thought, as I still do, that if you have an entire group of people willing you to do well, that sometimes it gives you the extra little boost you need to get through whatever it is you need to get through and to do well at it.

So, today I have a test in my Epidemiology class. Everyone--think good thoughts for me. We'll see if it works.


Does anyone else have any silly rituals like this one, or just me?

Homecoming

I've updated this blog 3 times in the last week. Good for me.

Today I'm going to my first Iowa football game. We're playing Purdue. We should, hopefully, kick their asses up and down the field.

Last night Scientist and I went downtown and saw Guster play a free concert. You gotta love Homecoming weekend--the University has shelled out big bucks before to get some pretty good bands play. They were opening for Kansas.

As a strange side note, I saw a girl last night that looked like a 20 lb lighter version of, G, a girl who served with me in Pervomaisk. She even had the same eye make-up (black and little smeared) and a short denim skirt that looked exactly like a skirt G use to wear. It was startling. It, of course, evoked another Peace Corps story from me.

Well, that's about it. Hope you guys have a great weekend. GO HAWKS!

P.S. Black & Gold are the University of Iowa's colors. Thus the multi-colored post

Study Avoidance

The last few days I've been studying so much for an upcoming Epidemiology test I have on Monday, I think my head is about to explode. Other than that, though, I haven't been up to anything out of the ordinary.

I did, however, just find out that the program at the U of Iowa I'm applying to for this spring (the Global Health Studies program) is now a part of Occupational and Enviromental Health. What does this matter, you ask? Good question.

Because there's an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer) that is a professor on the admissions committee and believes in my talent and commitment to public health and is willing to speak to the admissions committee on my behalf, that's why. This professor, in addition to being really cool, and, I think, agreeing with me that the Community and Behavioral Health fuckers are stupid for turning me down this fall for something as stupid as my math score, seems to understand that if I can do two years in Ukraine, I can do graduate school.

So, I've felt pretty confident about getting accepted into the Global Health Studies program for this spring. There's just one problem....

Scientist is most likely graduating with his PhD in July. He's not sure where he wants to go or when or to do what exactly, but there's a chance it will not be in Iowa. I don't know if it's a good chance or a small chance or what, but it exists. This, of course, throws a kink into my plans to finish school here, 'cause I'm going with him. Staying together is something we both want to make happen and are willing to sacrifice to make happen.

This, of course, means I'll start a graduate program here, hopefully transfer to a program with an even better program somewhere else and finish my degree there. I have mixed feelings about leaving. Getting out of Iowa is not a bad thing (no offense, Iowa or Iowans), however, paying out-of-state tuition is. I'm not comfortable sponging off of Scientist: I want to be independant and make, or, at least, borrow my own money, but some of the places he's looking at will be outrageously expensive for me to study at, and thus make NOT depending on him an impossiblity.

So, I'm mulling all this over. Ultimately, it's still to early to worry about where I'll be going, but I told Scientist I need to have a short list of possible places so I can apply to relevant schools in the nearish future (like, December).

Just when you think you have a plan, your boyfriend's PhD fucks it all up. Grrr.....

The New Face of Thirty

Awww.....

Aren't we cute?

This picture was actually taken on Saturday, September 23rd, just hours before I turned 30.

Jesus, I'm THIRTY.

I actually ended up having a fabulous birthday. Saturday night we went to Devotay, by far the best restaurant in Iowa City (in addition to being the only Spanish restaurant) and filled up on paella, which is a rice dish with green olives, shrimp, sausage, chicken, tomatoes and a sundry of other yummy stuff in it.

After that we made our way over to a bar in the Ped Mall, Donnelly's, which has a really cool laid back atmosphere with the bestest sweet potatoe fries ever (I mention this only because I've had them before, not because I was actually able to eat any of them after stuffing myself with paella). I was afraid no one was going to show up for my birthday, but I actually had a few people turn out. My friend Ellen took this picture of Scientist and I. (There is actually another great picture of Ellen and I from that night, that I may post later.)

At about midnight I was feeling pretty good, not drunk, but just tipsy enough to be grateful I wasn't driving. After engaging in a really weird conversation with a friend of Scientist's about how great 30 is for women sexually, said friend of Scientist's bought a round of shots and I was officially almost drunk. Then we left.

I turned 30 at 12:31 am at the corner of Iowa Avenue and Linn in front Atlas, another Iowa City fixture. Upon announcing that I had just entered a new decade of life, Scientist and I started making on the street (did I mention we're disgustingly cute, and, um, drunk?), which elicted a reaction from a passerby (we actually thought he was making fun of us, but he told that, he, in fact, thought our making out was nice).

We made our way home, passed out and got up in the morning and had the best day ever. Scientist made me an Egg McMuffin (my favorite breakfast), and then we just laid around for awhile. I didn't study. I didn't worry about money. We just enjoyed each other's company.

At around 2 we went and had a mini-picnic at a local park. Later that night, we went to dinner with my mom and my aunt and uncle who live in Arizona, and I rarely see. My dinner didn't compare to the Spanish food I had the night before, but I honestly, I was getting tired of eating out and was far more interested in spending time with my family and Scientist, than anything else.

I really couldn't have asked for anything more on my birthday: I spent time with people I love, I didn't stress, I had yummy food, lots of beer and wine and generally just chilled out. It was awesome.

Prosecco

I really do have the best boyfriend in the world.

Last night, Scientist arrived home from work on his bike, sweaty and full of sweetness, and presented me with a bottle of Prosecco, one of my favorite alcoholic drinks in the world. He had, apparently, ridden half way across Iowa City to buy for me on my birthday (thus the sweatiness). Isn't that sweet?

We ended up having a pretty low key night-- we watched most of The Godfather II and ate some really kick ass Spinach Alfredo and Tomato pizza, along with drinking some Prosecco (unfortunatley it wasn't as awesome as the stuff Brian and I had in Italy). It was nice.

Tonight we'll have dinner at this great Spanish tapas place, Devotay, and then meet some people at a downtown bar. I need to make sure I take it easy on the Sangria so I can make for the long haul. I'll turn 30 at 12:31am Sunday morning. Oy.

More reflections on aging later.

The beginning of Birthday weekend!

As of 10:50am this morning my birthday weekend extravaganza has begun. I finished a Biostatistics test (which was not very easy, let me tell you) this morning--the end of which marked the beginning of the aforementioned birthday weekend--as well as a Epidemiology test on Monday (which I got a B on, God damn it).

Maybe this weekend I'll have a chance to write more, although between eating, going to see The Last Kiss, snuggling, drinking, puking in the Ped Mall, and shouting "I'm THIRTY, BITCHES!" at every turn, I may not have time. We'll see.

I hope you all have a great weekend!

Thiiiiirrrty

I will be thirty years old on Sunday, September 24th, 2006. More about this and how I'm handling it later.

You may carry on with your day now.

Robin

P.S. Why hasn't anyone been commmenting lately? I feel neglected (sniff, sniff).

Almost, But Not Quite

I really need to get on the ball about updating this blog more often.

It's been a good, although frustrating week. Classes are going well. I got a hundred percent on my Biostatistics homework! (HA! So much for me not being so great at math, huh?) My Epidemiology class is still interesting, although I'm a little nervous about a test I have coming up in a week; I just want to get it over with, really. That was the good part.

The frustrating part came at the end of the week. As I mentioned before, about 6 weeks back I applied for a job at Planned Parenthood as a clinic assistant. I had been really hyped up and excited about this job: it payed well, gave me some solid experience in public health, included a full medical/dental/vision plan, and seemed to be in a very woman friendly environment (which would be a totally new experience for me, considering my experiences both in corporate retail/coffeeshops and misogyny riddled Eastern Europe).

Unfortunately, I didn't get that job. My Scientist and figured it went to a nursing student or, possibly, someone with more counseling or medical experience. I sort of scratched my head and figured I chalk this one up to another missed opportunity.

That is, until Wednesday when my mom got a call on her answering machine from the nice HR lady I talked to in PP Headquarters in Des Moines. She was inquiring as to whether or not I was still looking for work.

I ended up arranging an appointment with S (I'll call her S for privacy's sake), the PP manager in Iowa City for Friday. I was a little nervous about the meeting; I could take the job but only if they could work around my class schedule. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but as a part of this new job they wanted me to drive to the Quad Cities every Tuesday and help out the clinic there. I, of course, have class on Tuesdays, so I wasn't sure how well this would work out.

S was super nice. She started out by telling me she felt as though she owed me an explanation regarding why I didn't get the job I had applied for at PP over a month ago. Get this: she said I was OVERQUALIFIED. Can you believe that shit?! She said she had wanted to give me the job, but given my experience (I did some HIV/AIDS outreach work as a Peace Corps volunteer in Ukraine) she felt that I was overqualified and was afraid I'd leave soon after being hired.

Needless to say, we went around and around about how much I wanted to work there and how great she thought I was, and preceeded to basically give each other one warm fuzzy after another. Then I showed her my schedule.....which was when all the warm fuzzies ended.

S basically told me that the only way I wouldn't get this position would be if she couldn't make my schedule work with the schedule of when she needed people. She also told me no less than three times that she really really wanted me to work there, and that if it didn't work out that it would ONLY be because of my availability (specifically my availability on Tuesdays).

Anyway, the nice lady from Des Moines PP HQ called that afternoon and told me (via my answering machine) that, in fact, things weren't going to work out. S couldn't arrange all the employees' schedules to work, so I was out of luck. Thus, I missed another opportunity to make $4 more per hour, earn full medical, dental and vision benefits and work in a job that is, in fact, in my field.

Needless to say, I'm a little disappointed. I'm trying to adopt this shucks-that's-too-bad attitude, but each near miss on the money and job front makes it a lot harder. God. Damn. It.

EMDR

It is never ceases to amaze me how fast this blog can wind up out-of-date. You'd think I was horrendously busy or something.

Actually, I am pretty busy between classes, homework, work, working out and cuddling with my Scientist (yes, I know that's icky sweet). It's all I can do to keep up with Project Runway and call my mother every week.

Things have been going pretty well, I guess, except I'm starting to get ridiculously worried about money--if I don't finish up my PTSD treatment and get this lawsuit FINALLY settled I'm not going to be able to pay for tuition and will be totally screwed financially. Why, oh, why couldn't I have been born into money? Or have a gift for business and a degree from a highly ranked business school?

Speaking of my PTSD treatment, things have been going very well with my therapist, Dr. L. I don't think I've actually described the treatment I've been undergoing thus far: it's called 'Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing' or EMDR. Essentially it involves "reprocessing" whatever traumatic event it is that's causing you anxiety or depression.

EMDR is a fairly revolutionary treatment: the patient sits with his/her eyes closed with headphones on, holding this little disks in each hand. The therapist basically guides him or her through re-living the event while the patient listens to alternating beeps in each ear and feels the little disks vibrate in each hand. I know it sounds totally wacky (that's what I thought when I first heard about it), but the logic behind the treatment is sound (pardon the pun). The idea is that when you undergo something highly traumatic that causes you to avoid things in your life associated with the event or causes some sort of psychological stress, the centers in your brain that control emotion and logic get "clogged up". The beeping in your ears and the vibrating disks in your hands are basically used to stimulate both sides of your brain while you're reprocessing it, hopefully with the goal of removing any and all sense of fear that's associated with the aforementioned event.

How does this treatment relate to me and my PTSD? Good question. I get really anxious when I drive, especially when I'm in any situation that involves driving somewhere where I can't always see the driver or when there's any sort of blind spot whatsoever, like say pulling out of Scientist's parking lot. Additionally, I get super nervous when I'm driving anywhere near anyone with white hair, or when someone rushes up behind me, or when I'm close to a big van/car/truck/semi....If you think about how often you encounter any of these situations over the course of a day, you can see I'm constantly winding up in situations that cause me to freak out (sometimes literally).

This, of course, doesn't include my daymares, nightmares, my overwhelming anger at the guy who hit me or how shitty some of my "friends" were after the accident. Needless to say, we're trying to cover a lot of ground and get me back to a place where I'm not pissed off or afraid of something a lot of the time.

First Day

Yesterday I completed my first full day as a real live (non-degree-seeking-for-this-semester- anyhow graduate student.

The class I had was Epidemiology I. For those of you not familiar with the term 'epidemiology', look it up. Just kidding. Seriously though, you should look up words you don't know. Didn't anyone ever teach you that? Epidemiology is the basically the study of the spread of disease and the causal factors or etiology of disease. God, I'm smart already. Can anyone say "Robin is totally going to get an A this semester? Hmm? Anyone? Anyone?

I don't think this class is going to be really awful or anything; in fact, I think it won't be bad at all if I go to class and do the reading. I even have a study buddy: my friend Ellen I. Some of you may remember her from years ago when I lived with her, way back when I was a bad ass Russian Studies undergraduate. She seemed to think it wouldn't be too bad either.

This morning I have Biostatistics, which is probably the class that's going to be a bear this semester, although, according to Ellen, it isn't nearly as bad as the College of Public Health likes to make it sound. We'll see.

ARGHHH!

I know I probably shouldn't be posting anything when I'm so damn grumpy, but screw it.

I had a really bad shift today. First, I was 8 minutes late to work; I know that's not a huge deal or anything, and my "supervisor" didn't care, but I pride myself on being on-time. I hate running late. It seems to throw the rest of my day off; which, funnily enough, is exactly what happened today.

The second crappy thing that happened was the weather. This wouldn't be such a big deal, but, as anyone in retail or food service knows, drastic changes in weather can adversely affect business (i.e. business picks up a lot or slows to a near stand still). Starting at about 7:15 am (I arrived at work at 6:30 am--can you believe that shit?!) we had no less than 20 people in line at any given moment. This wouldn't have been so bad except my "supervisor" decided to be a total fucking bitch for the entirety of my shift.

I would be willing to forgive her for her bad mood except a) she never apologized, b) she made me miss my bus at the end of my shift, c) she seemed to think she since she was having a bad day she could take it out on me and d) I don't get paid enough to put up with this shit. Really.

I think out of all the transgressions she made, taking her bad mood out on me was probably the worst of them all. You see, when I was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ukraine I lived in a town with three other volunteers all of whom felt that taking their bad days out on me or other people was completely and totally legitimate. It got to the point where between the three of them someone was always snapping at someone else, making being around all three of them really unpleasant.

I mean, come on. We all have to live, work, eat, breathe, and play together on this planet. Being nasty to a co-worker/spouse/parent/sibling/whoever because someone else was previously nasty to you is stupid. And inconsiderate. God, that drives me crazy.

Towards the end of my shift, after I had missed my bus because bitch girl was trying to figure out how I had screwed up the register (um, did I mention I've only been working at this fucking kiosk for a week and a half?), I paused to reflect on the fact that I'm working at exactly the same kind of job I was BEFORE I left for Peace Corps for less money. And I felt like screaming.

Next time, I'm kicking some ass and taking names. I'm not taking any shit from anyone not old enough to drink or who doesn't remember the release of Thriller, and that's that.

Oops

Jesus, I didn't realize it had been over a week since I posted anything.

To be honest, I've actually been a little busy. Doing what, you ask? Well, let's see.....

1. Canoeing. That's right. Me and my Scientist and about 10 of his friends took a trip to southern Missouri where we, along with about 100 of the reddest rednecks and whitest white trash in the midwest canoed for a day. It was a lot of fun, and I finally got to meet some people Scientist had been talking for months.

2. Working. I started at the Java House this week. Things are going well, although the pay still sucks and I'm fairly sure I'm the brokest person on the planet. I'm actually afraid to balance my check book. At least I get tips, though.

3. Getting therapy. I started EMDR treatment for PTSD. So far, its gone okay, although the EMDR treatment is emotionally exhausting and no fun.

4. Reving up for school. I start in a week! YEA!!! I heart school!

Once my schedule gets a little more regular (HA! Fat chance on that one, I'm sure) I'm going to try and have a blog-like schedule (i.e. I blog 4 times a week or whatever). Until then all I can do is try and post things when the mood strikes me.

20 Miles

That's how far Scientist and I rode yesterday. Isn't that cool? Aren't you impressed? I thought so.

It actually wasn't that bad. It would have been better, of course, had my bike not been twice as difficult to pedal because the cables are all stretched out. Apparently this happens after you get a bike; about a month after buying it you need to have the gears checked and the cables tightened (?) for some reason. I need to do this before classes begin in two weeks because a) I'm going to get super busy between taking 2 grad classes and work and b) in late October Scientist and I are going on a little trip.

We've been talking about this for several weeks, but now I think we've decided to actually bite the bullet and do it. See, this is no regular trip: we're going to be going on a 60 mile bike ride through central and southern Missouri over the course of two days. Apparently there's this trail, the Katy trail, to be exact, that is a part of a not-yet-completed mega trail that will connect bike trails across the country from California to the Northeast.

So, yesterday was a sort of dry run. We figured if we could do a fairly hilly 20 miles in one day we could do two flat thirty mile stretches over the course of two days. Hopefully both of our schedules will allow us to do so by the time fall rolls around.

Good News/Bad News

August is the month of major decisions and shifts in my life apparently.


About a week ago I applied for a job at Planned Parenthood. It sounded fabulous: I'd be working as a clinic assistant which means I'd be talking to women about their birth control options and providing those who were about to have abortions information about the procedure. It was 20 hours per week, full health/dental/vision benefits and I'd have Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays off.

I say "would have" because I didn't get it, damn it. There were two other candidates besides me. I was really disappointed because I thought I had a really good chance at this job; I did HIV/AIDS outreach in Ukraine, along with doing a little bit of volunteer work with Planned Parenthood in CR when I was 16. But, alas, I lost out again.

So, instead, I'll be working at the Java House. I know I should be excited that I at least have a job, but I'm not. I feel like I've basically picked up exactly where I started when I left for Ukraine, meaning my life has gone no where and will continue to go no where as long as I'm working jobs that pay shit and get me no where professionally. I'm almost 30 for Christ sakes. This is what I would grudgingly call "good news".

Then I remind myself that I'm enrolling in grad classes this fall and that I can't expect to find a fabulous part-time job because those are hard to come by in this town. That, and I can't just give up looking: I'll find something. Maybe someone in the Public Health department at Iowa will be able to hook me up with some sort of internship or something once I'm admitted to the program. I hate waiting, though.....

I know I should abandon the idea that this sort of work is "beneath me". Clearly, it's not, and furthermore it's totally obnoxious for me to think this way, but....I can't help it. I'm frustrated.

In much less disheartening news, I met with my super great therapist, Dr. L, yesterday to discuss treatment for my PTSD. Dr. L does a certain type of therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Restructuring). I'm not going to bore you with the details, but let's just say it's been enormously sucessful for PTSD suffers and I'll hopefully benefit from it.

Anyway, the good news is a) she agrees with the doctor who originally diagnosed me with PTSD and b) she's not going to charge me for anything until I get my settlement (I didn't ask her to do this, she volunteered the idea herself!). She was really sympathetic and cool, which was a nice change from the last yahoo I dealt with at the U of I. In fact, I felt more comfortable with her than I have anybody else I've talked to about how I've felt. She's even willing to testify in court if I need her to (let's hope and pray that's not the case; I really don't want to go to court).

This weekend Scientist and I are going on a 20 mile bike ride. Sunday we're having my mom over for ribs. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend and enjoy this much cooler weather!

Announcement!

As some of you may already know I've been kicking around a lot of ideas about what the hell I should do this fall concerning moving, school, and my future. Finally, I've made some decisions. Here they are in no particuliar order:

1. I've decided against moving to Minneapolis for the time being because a) going to the U of M as an out-of-state student it horrendously expensive and I don't know if I want to make that kind of financial commitment just yet and b) Scientist is here, not in Minnesota.

2. I'm moving to Iowa City and in with Scientist.

3. I've signed up for two courses--Biostatistics and Epidemiology-- for the fall. If I do well in both of them, that means I will very likely be admitted to the Global Health Studies program at the University of Iowa.

In all honesty, I made most of these decisions over a month ago, but I wanted to wait before I actually made a move to put everything in motion before I posted anything.

Okay, that's it, guys. Feel free to post encouraging words or comments filled with joy regarding my decision.

There's Nothing Wrong With Me

I've been a big slacker when it comes to blogging lately, guys, I know. This weekend was actually kind of full of biking and outdoorsy stuff, plus I was trying to finish my Schadenfreude entry, which, for some reason, took forever. But I'll shut up about that already and get to the good stuff ("good" mean "juicy" or "interesting" in this case, not as in "pleasant" or "joyful").

As some of you may know, a little over three years ago I was involved in an awful car accident, which has since resulted in me bringing a lawsuit against the 88 year old guy who hit me and his stupid fucking insurance company (sorry, I can't help my vitriolic anger towards insurance companies at this point--they ALL suck, trust me). I decided to not because I'm a greedy, money grubbing, good-for-nothing bitch, but because the insurance company of the guy who hit me tried to claim that my accident was "an Act of God". No, I'm not shitting you. This is an actual clause in some insurance policies.

Thankfully, they eventually realized that argument wasn't going to fly with me, my insurance company, or any sane judge or jury. However, other guy's insurance company doesn't want to cough up the money for the nearly $20,000 I've incurred in medical bills since June 2003. This causes a major problem seeing as how I still haven't recieved treatment for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I was diagnosed with in February of this year.

Now, those of you who know me personally might not be aware of my status as PTSD sufferer. That's because, well, I'm not very keen on labeling myself as such because I'm afraid people will think I'm crazy, which, contrary to what most people thought before I left for two years to live in a developing country, I'm not. I'm just....still a little haunted by my accident.

Anyway, Monday I had to go to the U of Iowa hospital and clinics for a mandatory evaluation. This evaluation was basically a "second opinion" requested on behalf of the other guy's insurance company. Needless to say I was looking forward to this like I would a root canal or filling out more paperwork for Peace Corps; I knew it would be a) long (like 5 hours, no shit), b) tedious, c) involve me re-living the events of my accident and d) result in the "doctor" doing the "evaluation" deciding there was "nothing wrong with me". Think about it, people: of course they're going to send me to an extremely conservative psychologist who doesn't believe there's anything wrong with me--it's only then that they'll have any bargaining tools to bargain with, right? The other guys insurance company stopped arguing months ago about who's fault it was; now it's a matter of how much I suffered, how much physical therapy and psychotherapy I'll need in the future and how much they want to avoid going to court. All these things need to be taken into account when deciding my settlement.

The appointment was about as bearable as it could be: they gave me a bunch of cognitive tests that measure my spatial, reasoning and verbal abilities. I scored "average" on the spatial and reasoning tests and "superior" on the verbal tests (big surpise there to all who know me, I'm sure). Before that, though, I had an interview with a Fellow (that's a title in medical field, not a reference to this gentleman's sex, although, he was a dude) in the Neuropsychology.

The interview was the part I was really dreading. Basically it's an hour to two hour long conversation where the psychologist asks me about the accident, how I feel about it, how it has affected my life, etc. Speaking vaguely about what's happened is something I can deal with, but going over a moment by moment account of everything that happened is really kind of traumatic. Basically I have to describe to an utter stranger how it felt to feel like I was going to die. I hate it. It makes me tear up even thinking about it.

So, after the interview and cognitive tests were done they gave me this personality test. I took this once before back in February (which I think I blogged about, but can't find the post, for some reason). It's 563 questions long. No kidding. It's basically a series of statements that you have to either answer true or false to depending on whether or not they apply to you. Some of the questions are really messed up, as in if-you-answer-yes-to-this-question-you-should-go- straight-to-the-looney-bin-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-$200. Some of them are just really weird like, "I like science" or "sometimes I like to hurt animals for fun". I mean, who doesn't like science or hurting animals? (Just kidding)

After those tests, I went to lunch, got some good Scientist lovin' and ate some delicious leftover tamales we made from scratch (yup, we're that cool; they were good too!). Then I went back to the Neuropsychology clinic for my final 'consultation'.

Basically, to make a long story short the "expert" they had hired told me there was nothing wrong with me. Here's what he said: "While the nightmares that you're having, along with re-living the accident and being fearful of driving are definatley consistant with PTSD, I don't think there's anything wrong with you." Translation: "I'm fully aware that I'm going to be paid quite a bit of money to say there's nothing wrong with you. So, guess what? That's what I'm doing. " Gee, what a surprise!

Explain this to me: how the fuck does this expert know what's wrong with me if he never did ANY of the consultation? His Fellow spent a couple hours with me, the research assistant spent a lot of time with me, but the only time the good doctor even spoke to me was to tell me nothing at all was wrong with me. Um, okay. That makes a lot of sense. You know what I'm going to do with his opinion? I'm going to put up on the shelve with all the other useless advice I've gotten over the years and go with doing what's going to help me. And that means getting treatment for this damn disease and feeling better. Just watch me.

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude \SHAH-dun-froy-duh\ noun, often capitalized: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others

Example sentence: "There is simply no higher level of schadenfreude than when the rich or famous stumble." (John Gonzalez, Boston Magazine, August 2005)

Face it, we all indulge in a little schadenfreude from time to time. Now, I'm not saying it's anything to be proud of, or that we should encourage such behavior in others, but.... come on. Admit it: if someone's done you wrong, even if it was years and years ago, like say, in high school or something, you can't help but feel just a little smug, just a tiny bit of satisfaction, upon hearing about some sort of misforture that has befallen them.

Take, for example, a friend of mine who used to work at Lane Bryant while we were in college. One day we were talking about running into people from high school when she mentioned the satisfaction she felt when girls who had once been cheerleaders or on the dance team (and thought they were the shit) would come into LB, no longer snotty size 4s, shopping for clothes. That's schadenfreude in its purest form.

Or take, for example, a moment I had over a month ago while at B & N in IC. As some of you may know, I worked at two different B & Ns for over eight years (I believe I worked at the one in IC for almost 4 years). When I left for Peace Corps I thought I was leaving on at least reasonably good terms with virtually everyone I knew. Little did I know, my ex-boyfriend, Crazypants(who I'd broken up with about 5 months before I left the States), had begun dating a woman that we had both known for years, Baby Voice. Baby Voice spoke in this incredibly annoying little girl voice that Crazypants hated and use to make fun of when we were together (in fact, I distinctly remember Crazypants saying, "God, I could never date her because that voice would drive me crazy. Can you imagine being in bed with someone like that? It'd be like having sex with a five year old." I think that's nearly a verbatim quote, too.). But I digress.....

Just a few months later, however, I found out that they were dating. Now, that wouldn't have bothered me, really (I mean, other that the fact that he had moved on before me, but I get over that stuff pretty easily), except, I found out that they had started dating less than 4 months after we had broken up. While I was still in the States and trying to convince Crazypants that our break up was the best thing for both of us. Boy, was I a fucking chump.

WAIT...Before you jump to any conclusions about my "true feelings", think about this: he had gone on and on about how heart-fucking-broken he was after we broke up, plus all of the people who claimed they were my friends (ALL OF THEM) kept it from me. It was like a big secret. As in, "Psst...Crazypants and Baby Voice are banging. Don't tell R. Pass it on." That hurt the most. That kind of betrayal is hard for me to forgive.

So, needless to say, once I jumped on the plane to head off for my big adventure in Ukraine a bunch of really shitty stuff was said about me courtesy of Crazypants and Baby Voice. Private conversations I had with supposed friends about my doubts concerning Crazypants' emotional stability and his looney family came out, or, at least, were suddenly being relayed to Crazypants via Baby Voice in her attempt to make me seem like the evil ex-girlfriend who had the fucking gall to go Ukraine to do humanitarian work/make the world a better place and abandon him in the process.

Did I mention I have the ability to hold a grudge for eternity?

So, when I was in B & N a month ago and I saw Baby Voice and she looked like ass, I couldn't help but let out a loud internal cackle. I didn't care so much that she looked like shit. No, my satisfaction lay in the fact that she's so vain it would drive her nuts to think I saw in such bad shape and thus she'd be tortured by what I thought about how she looked . My schadenfreude lay in her being completely insecure about her appearance and driving herself nuts, not in the supposed downturn in her actual looks. Scadenfreude is sweet.

Some Like It Hot

Okay, so I'm not actually in St. Louis right now (nor was this picture [1] taken in STL, it was taken on Scientist's birthday in IC), I'm in Iowa City, but nevertheless when I was in STL I was extremely hot and sweaty. I believe the heat index was well over 100 yesterday in both Missouri and southern Iowa. ICK ICK ICK!

I had another really wonderful weekend with the Scientist. In fact, I was fairly amazed that things went as perfectly as they did considering it was unbearably hot and I figured we'd end up spending all day in Scientist's best friend's (best friend will here on out be referred to as Ice Cream man because he owns and runs an Ice Cream franchaise) apartment staring at each other. I should've known better than to think we'd just sit around; when I'm with Scientist we always have fun, and we always end up doing something I wouldn't have enjoyed doing on my own.

We arrived Friday night at around 9 pm at Ice Cream Man's apartment, hung out with Ice Cream Man's girlfriend, who let us in, and then, once Ice Cream Man arrived home from a baseball game he'd been at, we headed to this really cool, albeit odd, bar called Fox and Hound. It's pretty much exactly like you'd imagine it would be. It had this HUGE stuffed grizzly bear in the lobby and tacky English furniture to sit on at the bar. We sat and chatted for a good 2 hours before they kicked us out and we went back to Ice Cream Man's place and crashed.

Saturday, we braved the horrid STL weather and headed to Forest Park, which, I was informed is actually larger than Central Park in NYC. We walked around a bit, went to the Science Station and then headed to the zoo.

The St. Louis zoo totally kicked the Minneapolis zoo's ASS. It was a lot bigger than the M'aplois zoo, plus it looked a lot more well tended to than the MN zoo. I couldn't help but feel bad for the animals, though, especially the poor little kitties (can you imagine having a thick fur coat on in that heat?), who were all punked out in the shade, laying on their back looking adorable and dangerous. The last thing we saw was a big polar bear jump in his little pool and go for a swim, so I left feeling both better about the animals living through the heat and a little jealous that he got his own little pool complete with a waterfall.

Sunday, we walked around the St. Louis Botanical Gardens for a few hours. I was actually afraid I wouldn't be terribly entertained by a bunch of flowers, but again, I was really impressed. The gardens were so well taken care of, and there were plenty of places to just sit and make out, I mean, chill.

After a few hours, we decided to call it a day and made our way over to Scientist's parents' house where I met his entire family. When I say entire I mean pretty much everybody, except for a couple aunts and uncles and his grandmother. Scientist and I had brought some sweet corn from Iowa, so his family made that and we grilled hamburgers. Scientist has 4 nieces and nephews (all under the age of 8), so there was plenty of entertainment. They were all very good kids (I think his three year old niece is probably the smartest three year old I've ever met; she could add and everything!) and his family made me feel really welcomed. All of this came as a giant relief seeing as how I wasn't sure whether or not they'd like me. Thankfully, they seemed to take quite well to me and I felt totally at ease with them.

Monday we headed out to Ice Cream Man's store, indulged in some seriously rich ice cream and then headed off to Iowa. We stopped for while in Hannibal, attempted to eat something (I'm never hungry in this type of weather) and then got back in the car and drove pretty much straight through to IC.

All and all it was a pretty nice weekend. I wish we'd had more time to spend with Ice Cream Man and his girlfriend, but, well, you can't have everything. That and I wished we'd been able to bring our bikes with us so we could ride some of the Katie trail, which looked really pretty when Scientist pointed it out to me. I guess this gives us an excuse to head down there again--this time in the fall when it's not so damn hot!

[1]: Scientist hates this picture because he says it makes his cheeks look chubby. I, however, disagree. Aren't we adorable? Plus, I look pretty damn good (not to mention tan, which is highly unusual for me, even during the summer).

Quick Update About My Update

Uh, thank you, Ellen for pointing out the fact that I, in fact, forgot to put up an update about my dinner with my parents and Scientist. I have now added an update to the the post entitled "Worst Case Scenerio: Scientist Meets My Dad". Sorry for the delay.

Meeting the Parents

Yesterday was actually a fairly productive day. I had a great, super sweaty workout, complete with weight lifting. I also started a letter to my favorite teacher in Ukraine and sort of just dawdled around the house.

Speaking of the weather, this weekend is suppose to be ungodly hot both here and in St. Louis, where Scientist and I are heading for a little R & R. I hate hot weather. Wait, no, strike that--I hate humid weather, of which there is an abundance of in the Midwest. My clothes stick to me, my hair glues itself to the back of my neck, I'm tired, I'm cranky and, usually, unable to sleep. In fact, as far as I'm concerned there is no reason to be outside sweating your ass off if it's humid and above 90. Am I right?

I'm actually a little nervous about our little trip. Until now, I've only met a few of Scientist friends, but really nobody super important. His entire family, along with his best friend and old friend from college (best friend and old friend are now dating) live there and I'll get to meet ALL of them over the course of the next few days.

It's not that I think I won't like any of them; on the contrary, I think I'll like all them, it's that I'm afraid they won't like me. See, as some of you may remember, the last long term relationship I was in, when my ex-boyfriend, Crazypants, introduced me to his parents, they, initially, loved me. Unfortunately, I came to a series of realizations after that, the first being his family (with the exception of his father), was absolutely insane, dysfunctional and brought a whole new meaning to the word "controlling", and the second being that, Crazypants, was, likewise, crazy as a jail house rat. The apple never falls from tree, I guess.

The pure hell that Crazypants' family put me through for over 2 years is enough to make even the most level-headed and logical person a little skiddish. Now, to be fair, I try to avoid making comparisons between relationships a) because that's totally unfair to the person I'm currently dating and b) I'm a totally different person than I was when I dated the last guy and c) the guy I'm dating now is totally different than the person I was dating before (duh).

Nevertheless, I think my worries are well founded; I really want to make a good impression on Scientist's family. I know, logically, there's no reason why I wounldn't it's just that....I'm so different than his parents. First, I'm a big fat Liberal and his dad is both religious and conservative (I've been told on no uncertain terms to avoid the topic of abortion because both his dad and I are uncompromising in our very different view points and are likely to get into a pretty heated disagreement in said topic were to come up). Second, um, well, how do I put this delicately?....Uh, I'm fairly sure they know I spend days on end in Iowa City with their son (who's the baby in the family, to boot), so I'm pretty sure they know I've slept in the same bed with him. I don't know, it just makes me feel like they'll think I'm corrupting their son. Which I'm not--he was waaaay corrupted when I met him. I swear.

I'm probably worrying over nothing. I'm sure everything will go fine and we'll have a wonderful time meeting each other, but I think my concerns are pretty normal and valid. I mean, if Scientist can win over my dad, surely, I can win over his parents. Right?

Boredom Rules

I have got to do something productive today. I've been pretty lazy for the last few days, but today, damn it, I'm going to read something in Russian and start some letters to friends in Ukraine. Oh, and I'm going lift weights and do some cardio today if it freakin' kills me. Hmmm....I can't really think of anything else I should do, unless you count washing some dishes and picking up around the house.

Where has all my energy gone? It's 10:30 for Christ's sakes and I haven't done ANYTHING. I use to be one of those people who ran around all day. In fact, I was like that until just recently. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's being in love. Maybe if my conscious effort to decrease the amount of caffeine I drink. Maybe....it's being totally bored out of my mind has made me a boring person. Who knows.

A Happy, Tasty Birthday for My Scientist

I finished a long and very funny entry about Scientist's birthday earlier this morning only to have eaten by Blogger. Although, such a HIlarious entry can never be fully recreated, I'll try recounting the weekend in the same entertaining fashion as before.

Since Scientist was turning 32 on Sunday we decided that the whole weekend would be devoted to do exactly what he wanted to do. I thought this was only fair; I mean I'm going to expect him to do the same for me on my birthday.

On Saturday we started the day just sort of hanging out: we sat around, read a little, and then headed off to Kent Park (which, if you're an Iowa Citian you should totally check this place out; it's quieter and less crowded than Sugar Bottom or the Rez) for some hiking. All in all we ended up hiking for about 2 hours with the occasional stops for hugs (Scientist called them "Hug Breaks"--isn't that disgustingly cute?). We finished up the afternoon lolling around on a blanket after having the best damn bologna and cheese sandwich ever.

That evening Scientist decided that for his birthday dinner we would go to Devotay. I'd never actually been to Devotay, despite living in Iowa City forever and hearing nothing but rave reviews of their food. It's a Spanish tapas place, so it's got something for everyone, plus it's really easy to wind up ridiculously full, which is precisely what ended up happening to both of us. We had 'paella', this delicious rice dish with chicken, some really yummy spicy sausage, olives and peppers in it, along with a portabello and asiago quesadilla and some other tapas that I've already forgotten about, but which was also awesome.

Scientist had invited a bunch of people out to Speak Easy, a bar in Iowa City that's actually no where near the Ped Mall and, thus, far far away from the annoying undergrads out to get wasted on a Saturday night. For this I was extremely thankful, seeing as how I'm almost, um, 30, and I feel weird drinking Bud Light and screaming at the person I'm standing across from at a bar downtown like I did when I was 21. I can't do that anymore and still respect myself, seriously.

Anyway, I had been making comments for weeks now that I would like to see Scientist drunk. I've seen him tipsy (in fact the first night we went out we both ended up a little tipsy), but imagined that he would be a very entertaining drunk. I ended up being right about that because a whole bunch of people from his department at the U of Iowa ended up showing up and they all kept buying him drinks and shots, so by the time we ended up at Joe's downtown (drinking with a bunch of undergrads, of course) he was wasted.

All in all, I think it turned out to be a pretty darn good birthday. We had good food, I got to meet some more of his friends, we did something fun outside....really, what more could he asked for. The only problem I see is I've now set the bar extremely high for him for my 30th birthday which is at the end of September. In fact, I doubt that sort of perfection can be topped, really. I guess we'll see, huh?

Reappearance

Okay, okay, I know I suck. It's been almost two weeks now since I posted anything new, and now that I am posting, this entry is going to be fairly short and not very entertaining at all. HA! Now that you've been forewarned you can't complain.

What the hell have I been doing? Well, I've been working, gazing into my Scientistchik's lovely blue eyes and spending time outside. Other that that, I've felt pretty nasty (like I said earlier, I'm on this new medication that's making me crazy and nauseous), so I haven't done a whole lot. Oh, and I've been thinking a lot about what the hell I'm going to do this fall. More about that later.

I promise, promise, promise to post a whole bunch in the coming week or so. I just finished up a project at work and I should have nuttin' but time on my hands for the next few weeks.

This weekend was a kind of mixed bag: I had a great time at the Aimee Mann show (her voice is as beautifully haunting and clear in concert as it is on any of her records, plus she's really sassy and she BOXES like me) on Friday, but Saturday and Sunday I ended up feeling like shit all day. I'm on this new medication and one of the inital side effects is naseau, headaches and mood swings. Poor Scientist, he had to put up with me being really grumpy and irritable all day (at least I warned him in advance).

Thankfully, I'm feeling a lot better today. I just went for a nice fast walk for about an hour and earlier today I read some more of One Hundred Years of Solitude, which is shaping up to be a great book. It's funny, I tried to read One Hundred about 3 years ago and it was super annoying; I couldn't keep any of the characters straight and it was impossible for me to actually concentrate on the plot. I ended up being really disappointed and dropping it after about 100 pages. Now, though, I'm having zero problems with it all. It's funny how people grow into books, isn't it?

Worst Case scenario: Scientist meets my Dad!

Upon reading yesterday's blog entry I realized how poorly it was written. Sorry guys. I've got a lot on my mind, and while I usually use this blog as a forum to vent and kick ideas around, this one is going to just have to rattle around a bit in my head before I come out with it. Until then my entries might seem a little forced or, distracted, I guess.

NO, I'm not pregnant, nor am I getting married (have you lost your fucking mind?!) or coming out of the closet (those of you who know me, know I've tried dating women in the past, so it's no secret--those of you who don't know... well, SURPRISE!).

No, this is something I need to decide on my own. Yes, it involves Scientistchik*. It also involves my future. It's a big step, a leap of faith and completely out-of-character. And that's all I'm going to say about it right now. Now you're dying to know what it is, aren't ya?

Tonight Scientistchik is going to meet my dad. I'm a little nervous; not because I don't think my dad will like Scientistchik (on the contrary, I think he'll like him a lot--how could he not?), but rather, my dad is a kinda weird and unusual guy-- which I've tried to prepare Scientist for-- and I never know how people are going to react to him. I mean, it's not like he's going to give Scientist the third degree on what his "intentions" are with me, or like, pick a fight with him over stem cell research or the fact that Scientist kills mice all day and then takes out their brains and spinal chords (now you know why I really find him so irresistible and sexy).

My worst case scenario goes down like this: we arrive 20 minutes late to find my boyfriend pacing outside Mondo's hungrily. Introductions are made and my Dad promptly starts making lame science jokes in an effort to buddy up to Scientist. Scientist laughs weakly and looks at me quizzically. I begin to feel a pit the size of Illinois open up in my stomach.

We saunter on in to Mondo's, sit down, my dad immediately lights up a cigarette and starts asking Scientist all these questions about his research. Then, in mid-sentence, between his third and fourth cigarette in 10 minutes, my dad interrupts Scientist and starts telling him stories about China (where my Dad lived for nearly three years until about 2 months ago and is trying to currently find work again) and blowing smoke in his face.

Once our food arrives, my Dad complains that his soup is cold, rudely tells the server "Sweetie, you need to take this back," and lights up his tenth cigarette. Scientist, still smiling and trying to impress my dad, has switched tactics. He's asking Dad about where's he's been and Dad launches into this painfully long story about all the places we've been together and how he was the one who first took me abroad. He peppers the story with "Squirt" this and "Squirt" that, motioning towards me (I endured him calling me Squirt until I finally flipped out on him once when I was 23 and had just come back from living in Russia by myself--true story, I swear). My mother is so fucking irritated her eyes are almost literally rolling out of her head. I'm biting my tongue so hard there's a slight trickle of saliva-blood running out of the side of my mouth and there is actual steam coming out of my ears.

For the next hour I try to gear the conversation towards some totally inane topic like tupperware, but fail miserably. My mother, who's been divorced from my father for over 10 years, keeps shrilly scolding my dad for making one faux pas after another. He's dropped food on the floor twice, and accidently put his cigarette out in Scientist's food. At this point I keep getting up to "go to the bathroom", but rather than using the loo I sneak outside and try to call Scientist to apologize my Dad's behavior.

Finally the end of meal comes, and somehow my Mom and I end up paying for everyone's food. My dad makes some completely off-color remark about my Mom and I being his and Scientist's respective sugar mommas, which really pisses my mom off. Trying to make our exit as quick as possible, I give my mom a hug, glower at my Dad and grimace as my father says, "Well, Scoliosis, it sure was nice to meet you. Take care of my daughter!" and winks.

I spent the entire car ride home, as well as the next two hours kissing Scientist's ass and trying to convince him I share only my crooked nose, my love of travel and the ability to make any story inordinately too long with my father. Alas, Scientist decides he can't imagine spending the next few months, let alone the next several years with someone who's family is as odd as mine and breaks up with me on the spot. I cry bitter tears all the back to my empty bed in Cedar Rapids.

*Adding "chik" (for men) or "inka" (for women) to the end of one's name forms what's called a"diminutive" in Russian or Ukrainian. A "diminuitive" is like a pet name, and is reserved for someone you really like, or conversely if you want something from someone and need to kiss their ass. Example: "Brianchik, could you bum me a cigarette?" or "Ellenka, thank you for writing that letter of recommendation to Peace Corps for me three years ago." No one, except maybe Brian, calls me Robinka, because no one really likes me. Boo hoo, me!

Update: Okay, so I'm adding this update a bit late, but, well, sue me. Anyway, dinner with my Dad, Mom and Scientist went very well. My Dad was extremely impressed with Scientist's scienceness and the fact that he infects mice with auto-immune diseases, kills them, grinds up their spinal chords and brains and then proceeds to stare at them under a microscope. My Dad even used the word "antigen" in a sentence to try and impress Scientist. Conversely, Scientist tried to impress my Dad with his travels to Columbia, Costa Rica, Mexico and Ireland.

Seriously though, the whole evening, including when my dad gave Scientist shit for voting for Bush (and Scientist just grinned and took it), just re-affirmed my belief that I'm totally with the right guy. No doubt in my mind. At all.

General Ramblings

It's another beautiful day in Iowa. I think I'll go outside today and walk for awhile. I'm determined to add some color to my pale ass over the course of this summer. I hope to do this through a combination of walking and biking all over eastern Iowa.

Speaking of biking, Scientist and I biked for two hours Saturday afternoon. It was awesome, especially considering it had been kinda crappy weather for a week straight and it was damn hot Saturday afternoon. In fact, I felt kind of nauseous later on in the day, which I have a feeling was linked to being out in the sun for so long. I think my body is still in shock that a) it's not still winter and b) I'm not freezing my butt off in Ukraine.

It always feels so good to get some really intense form of exercise, although I don't enjoy exerting myself in the sweltering heat so much. There was nothing I loved more (before my accident, of course) than going for a long run in 70 degree weather. God, I miss that--running 7 miles followed by Amy's Cheese Lasagna (that's a vegetarian brand of microwaveable meal) and a peanut butter chocolate bar from the Co-op. Pure heaven.

This week I start another project at the educational testing facility where I've worked on and off for...well, forever (or at least it feels that way). I'm not super excited about it, especially considering I'll be playing the part of a lowly scorer, as opposed to the super rad, cool, hip supervisor like I usually do. Scoring, as opposed to supervising, also pays a dollar less an hour.

The highlight of the summer this week, I think, will come Friday when Scientist and I go to Minneapolis to Aimee Mann at the Minneapolis zoo with my friend, Jake, and his girlfriend Tara. I'm super excited about seeing Aimee Mann; I've only become a fan in the last two years when another volunteer introduced me to her music, which hooked me immediately.

Other than being stoked (I'm pulling out all the 80's words this entry: rad, stoked...) about seeing a show, Scientist has met none of my friends, other than Greg (BTW, Greg, after meeting you he said, "I'm totally not worried about meeting any of your friends if they're all cool like that Greg guy...He was really smart.") and our little trip to MN will allow me to introduce him to Jake.

As some of you may know, I feel like it's important that my friends like the person I'm dating, although I realize sometimes two strong personalities don't always mix (example: Ellen to this day reminds me how much she hated/hates my ex-boyfriend,Todd). Don't get me wrong, my friends opinions are important to me: I'm an only child, ergo I have no close family other than my parents and my friends take the place of siblings. That means, of course, I rely on them to be honest with me about how they feel about the person I'm dating. If they don't like them, I want them to be honest with me about why.

This of course means I reserve the right to disagree with them about my SO. If, say, one of the friends met Scientist and, after a heated discussion about politics, they later informed me they didn't like Scientist because he, um, er, uh, voted for Bush, then I'd have to take their opinion with a grain of salt. Not liking someone because he/she has radically different political views, is not a valid reason for thinking that person is not good for your friend.

Have a good day, all.

I used the word "smack" twice in this post

Whenever I read the blogs of people I don't know I feel like a peeping Tom. Like, somehow, if they found out I was reading their blogs they'd put the smack down on me. They'd say something like, "Who the fuck do you think you are reading my blog? Do I know you? NO! Then stop puttin' your nose into my bidness, bitch! Get a life!"

Nevertheless, I spent about an hour this morning cruising the blogosphere. I like to read the blogs of currently serving Peace Corps Volunteers but they're so rarely updated that it's hard for me to get super excited about reading them and check them every day like I do Ellen's blog, or JP's blog.

Despite the fact that it may seem like I'm not doing jack, I've actually been fairly productive. I've found some leads on apartment in the Minneapolis area, e-mailed some potential roommates and fretted endlessly about how the hell I'm going to pay for all this (I won't receive word of my financial aid award from U of M until late June /early July!). Note to any of you who see me: please smack me upside the head or shake me if I start spazzing over the cost of graduate school. Remind me that the money I'm investing in this is worthwhile and will pay off both financially, intellectually, professionally and, very possibly, emotionally in the future. I should think of this as downpayment on my future. I came up with that myself, isn't that good? Huh? God, I'm smart....that's why U of Minnesota wants me.


I hope you all have a great weekend. Pray for sun!

Rejected (again)

Stupid fucking University of Iowa just rejected me from their Community and Behavioral Health program. They said my quantative GRE score was too low, but I could take Biostatistics I and Epidemiology I and then re-apply at a later date. Yeah.

I wouldn't care so much about being rejected from the University of Iowa except 1) it's waaaaay cheaper than the U of Minnesota and 2) a certain a guy I really like is here.

So much for my good mood.

ACCEPTED (part two)

I GOT IN!!!

I just found out I was admitted to the Public Health Administration and Policy program at the University of Minnesota!!! Yippee!

Waiting is Killing Me

Today is going to be one of the longest days of the summer. No, it has nothing to do with the summer solstice making the day at least seem longer or having to sit through hours of Firefly with my lovely Scientist. Rather, today is the day I'm finally going to find out if I was accepted into the Masters of Public Health Administration and Policy program at the University of Minnesota. How do I know this? Because, finally, after weeks of polite and not-all-that-polite hounding, I was promised by the academic co-ordinator at U of M that I will have an answer today. Still no word from Iowa.

Of course, when I first read that I felt a rush of excitement. AN ANSWER! Finally. But now, after examining my emotions regarding my impending admittance to an MPH program, I'm not so sure I want an answer either way, because that means the ball will be in my court.

If I'm only admitted into the U of Minnesota and not the U of Iowa, then my decision has pretty much been made for me (the same as if I'm only admitted into the U of Iowa and not the U of Minnesota, which is probably the least likely scenario of the two possible). That pretty much means I'm going to have to get my ass in gear and find a place in Minneapolis (how I'm going to do this, I don't know), get my financial aid stuff figured out, buy a car (no small task there, eh?), pack my shit and complete turn my relationship with the Scientist on its head. That last part--the part about completely uprooting my budding "romance" (God, I hate that word)--is the cause of my trepidation.

I don't want to leave him, but for the sake of my future career and limitless ambition, I think I may very well have to. I keep trying to reason with myself: Scientist will be finishing his Ph.D. this next year and its probably best if I'm not here to distract him, we've only been dating for about 2 months (a little less, actually) so I can not can not can not let this relationship dictate my future, I've never let a relationship control my decisions so I shouldn't start doing that now, etc. So, why is it nagging at me still? How did I let this man get to me so easily? How did he manage to weasel his way into my life so effortlessly without me noticing?

I can't win. I'll be really disappointed if I don't get in and I'll be really at a loss if I do get in. Jesus, why didn't someone warn me Adulthood sucked so much?

More waiting

It rained all weekend, damn it. Scientist and I didn't do squat. We watched Me, You and Everyone We Know which neither of us enjoyed. I love weird independent films, but I just got bored with this one. Then we watched Firefly which is the series the movie Serendipity is based on; I thought it was boring for the first 45 minutes, but then it got a lot better. Other than that we grilled, ate pancakes, and mourned the loss of a perfectly good weekend to shitty shitty weather. That and I tried not to get pissed about not hearing anything from U of Minnesota or U of Iowa.

The reason why I'm so irritated about not hearing anything from U of M/U of Iowa yet is not because of pure impatience. No, by not hearing anything from either school I can't move forward with any of my plans: I can't apartment hunt, look for a car, sign papers that will put me thousands of dollars in debt to the federal government, nothin'.... And furthermore, I find it both incredibly irresponsible and unprofessional that they haven't informed me of their decision yet; it's been almost 7 weeks for Christ's sakes!

Another potenially great weekend

I find it sad that after only one day off, I'm already kinda bored. Bored and anxious. I think I'm a little down because of the rainy weather and the very discouraging lack of response from either the U of M or the U of Iowa regarding my MPH application.

Yesterday, however, I had a fabulous day. Scientist and I went for a nice sweaty bike ride and had a typically wonderful evening together. If you guys saw how disgustingly cute we are, you'd puke. I think the Scientist's friends would tease him mercilessly if they heard some of the gooey sweet shit he says to me. I love it!

Tonight we're going to have dinner with my mom and then maybe go to B & N and geek out together. It's employee appreciation week, so we'll have access to my mom's 40% discount, which rocks my world.

I think next week I need to start brushing up on my Russian. I've totally neglected it the last six months, and I don't want to start losing it.

Have a great weekend guys!

My shitty day

Warning: If you don't want to hear me whine do not, I repeat, do not read the following post.

Yesterday was a shitty day. Here's why:

1. My project is still not done because my scorers, who are all cool people, keep either not showing up or calling in "sick". Yes, yes, I know I, their supervisor and supposed leader, called in sick on Friday, but that's different. I hadn't called in or missed, like 500 times (oh, I'm not even exaggerating so get off my back, bitch) and then decided to just skip the end of the project when my team needed me most, DAMN IT.

2. I weigh the most I have ever weighed in my entire life. God. Fucking. Damn. It. I guess this might be linked to me being able to bench press 70 lbs and lifting weights and stuff, but still. I don't feel heavy. I don't look heavy. ARRRGH.

3. I paid 173 fucking dollars for an medical exam yesterday (that's how much I know I weigh, bitch) after I was told that since I didn't make jack shit, I'd be eligible for a waiver. So, I don't make enough to actually pay for, say, insurance or the cost of a routine yearly exam, but I do make to much to qualify for a lil' assistance.

4. I had a scorer get pissed at me after I calmly explained I couldn't let him work overtime. This was after I had announced the decision to work overtime was not up to me and I had not received authorization to let them work over 8 hours.

5. Neither the University of Minnesota nor the University of Iowa has sent me my admittance/rejection letter. This was after I was told I'd know by now. I applied April 27th, for Christ fucking sakes, they should have an admission decision by now.

I'm going to go and pout in a corner now. See ya.

Hooky

I've made the executive decision that today, after 2 days of migranes and stress at work, I'm taking the day off. I need it. Badly. Yesterday I felt so shitty I almost curled up under my desk at work and took a nap. No kidding.

In other, much more positive, news, I bought a bike yesterday. It's red. It rides like a dream. It's a Giant (that would be the brand name). Bikes certainly have changed since I was a kid with a pink ten speed Schwinn; this one has two different sets of gears, as well as a front brake and a back brake.

More importantly, though, I totally kicked the Scientist's ass when went for a ride last night. I think he thought he'd have to, like, slow down for me and stuff. Instead, he was the one huffing and puffing by the end of our ride, while I was only a little tired (okay, the hills by his place do suck a little). It felt good to get some solid outdoor exercise; I forgot how much I love late spring and early summer in Iowa.

I'm wearing a skirt today

Three day weekends rock, don't you agree? I'm excited about this weekend but I'd be more excited if my Scientist were in town, but seeing as how he's off hanging out with grandma and spotting bobcats feasting on roadkill while whizzing down the open road, I'm out of luck.

I also wish I would've heard something from the U of Minnesota and the U of Iowa by now. I turned my application over 4 weeks ago and haven't heard squat. I think on Tuesday I'll give both departments a call. I was told by both parties that I should have heard something by now.

I haven't got much planned really; I'm going to look for a bike (does anyone in the area know where to get a good mountain bike?), read, hang out with my dad, work out and maybe call a few people I haven't talked to in a while.

I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Sexual Harassment Soapbox

I was having a great day until about 4 pm when I called my lawyer to ask him about something regarding the status of my case. I won't bore you with the details, but needless to say I got a little testy and now I'm in a pissy mood. I even ditched my Pilates class and workout to come home, pout, listen to my iPod and fix myself some comfort food.

I lodged a formal complaint against Jackass yesterday. Apparently, he went into HR on Tuesday morning and talked to our HR guy (who, incidentally really likes me, as most people at my job do), who then requested that I write down an account of everything happened. After I'd written everything up my boss, H, and I then went in and talked to HR guy. I got the whole speech about howI shouldn't have to put up with this type of harassment, blah blah blah. Everyone nodded their heads and agreed Jackass had, indeed, been a jackass and if anything else happened I shouldn't hesitate to come to HR guy and we would then "deal with Jackass in the appropriate manner". In other words, his ass will be fired.

What I found a little, well, disturbing was a series of comments H made regarding what would have been the appropriate manner for Jackass to ask me out and how this was a 'generational thing'. According to her, part of the problem with this "whole thing" was the difference between how my generation deals with "this sort of situation" and the way H and Jackass's generation deals with it. H said, "If he had said something like this to me, I would have, you know...blown it off [insert wild hand wave here]. But your generation [nod to me] doesn't deal with it that way...which you shouldn't. Jackass [okay, that's not his real name, I'll admit it], needs to learn how to control himself."

Color me stupid, but I think part of the reason why Jackass still has a fucking job at Pearson is because of a general belittling, oh-it's-not-that-serious feeling towards sexual harassment, as H expressed, there. I absolutely agree with H--a small part of Jackass's problem is that he didn't grow up with SH policies at the work place like I did. But the other, larger part of the problem, the part that I think caused him to open his fucking mouth, is that he a) honestly does think what he did was inappropriate and b) he's never been called on it even though he's acted inappropriately towards other women at at least two different jobs. It's attitudes like H's, not to mention the attitude of the other supervisor on my project who led to him thinking it was okay to say that to me.

The other highly suspect thing H said was, "it totally would have been different had he asked you out in the parking lot at work, alone, than doing it like he did at work in front of everyone." When I made the comment that, yeah it totally would have been different, it would have creeped me out even more to have him approach me in a parking lot alone, she said, "Oh no, that would have been some guy just asking you out. That would have been okay."

Um, I beg to differ. I've had people ask me out before outside of work and when I've turned them down, our work relationship has either turned sour or really strained. I'm not saying you can't date someone you work with (God knows I've dated plenty of my co-workers; my last relationship was with a man that was my boss), but you have to be very careful how you approach that person. Asking someone, say, to go to a party, or out with a bunch of people is a way to spend time with that person and not run the risk of either a) rejection, b) seeing if that person is truly interested and c) avoiding charges of SH.

I don't want to crucify this guy, but, really, if I don't take the higher ground here and make this about him acting and saying things that are inappropriate in a professional setting he'll simply keep doing it. History has proven that. I hate being the example as well as making an example of another person in order to prove a point but I feel like in this situation I need to see this through to the end.

Working girl

Work has been more stressful than usual. As most of you know, I'm working as a supervisor at Pearson for the next few weeks on a project. The beginning of any new project kind of sucks; the scorers don't know what they're doing, I don't know what I'm doing (although I have to pretend like I do), there's mass confusion, etc. Nothing too unusal or unexpected.

Unfortunately, one thing I didn't expect was a jackass on my team (he's what you would call my 'subordinate', I guess) hitting on me in front of everyone, and, when I didn't respond the way he wanted, making a fool out of himself and embarrassing me. This is how it went down:

(Me and 45 year old subordinate discussing a paper)
Him: You know, if you weren't my supervisor I'd ask you out.
Me:(standing there, blinking, and in shock)
Him: You're suppose to say, "Oh no, that's okay."
Me: (feeble laugh, still in shock)

About two seconds after that took place, J (one of my two bosses), charged up and started scolding Jackass for misscoring a paper. I siezed that opportunity to slink off, but was inundated with questions by a scorer sitting near Jackass. J, after finishing his rather strenuous speech about how poorly Jackass was scoring then pulled me aside and proceeded to tell me that he had heard the entire exchange between me and Jackass (as did a bunch of people around us, I found out later) and would "totally back me up" in I went to HR about it. I honestly think he was more upset about it than I was.

I ended up not needing to go to HR, seeing as how the whole situation was taken out of my hands when H found out about it. It seems as though this isn't the first time Jackass has hit on his supervisor; in fact, he hit on the supervisor on the other team (my project is divided into three teams) repeatedly on a previous project. As a result she had requested he not be on her team, and thus he was put on mine.

And as if those two incidents alone didn't make him a big enough insensitive dickhead, I was told later that he was fired from his last job for having an affair with his boss's wife! Can you believe that shit? I thought that stuff only happened in on TV. Who would be stupid enough to sleep with their boss's wife....and then, once they've been fired from that job to continue to hit on women at their new job? Does this man only think with the head in his pants, for Christ's sakes?

Thankfully, today we had a re-ordering of teams, and Jackass is no longer my problem. I think I may go ahead and have a private conversation with HR about how I think they should strongly consider firing this man. Permanently. I'm actually surprised they haven't done it already.

A Fabulous Weekend

Finally, summer has (more or less) arrived in Iowa!

I had a wonderful weekend. I spent basically all of it in Iowa City with the Scientist. In fact, I guess you could say it was a turning point, of sorts, with him: he introduced me to his friends, showed me where he worked, cooked for me and went shopping at the girliest of girly stores for smelly soap.

It was awesome. I didn't get sick of him, I don't think he got tired of me, the two friends of his I met were super sweet, he didn't make fun of my weird food habits--what more could I ask for? Other than having met him about 5 months ago...