Announcement!

As some of you may already know I've been kicking around a lot of ideas about what the hell I should do this fall concerning moving, school, and my future. Finally, I've made some decisions. Here they are in no particuliar order:

1. I've decided against moving to Minneapolis for the time being because a) going to the U of M as an out-of-state student it horrendously expensive and I don't know if I want to make that kind of financial commitment just yet and b) Scientist is here, not in Minnesota.

2. I'm moving to Iowa City and in with Scientist.

3. I've signed up for two courses--Biostatistics and Epidemiology-- for the fall. If I do well in both of them, that means I will very likely be admitted to the Global Health Studies program at the University of Iowa.

In all honesty, I made most of these decisions over a month ago, but I wanted to wait before I actually made a move to put everything in motion before I posted anything.

Okay, that's it, guys. Feel free to post encouraging words or comments filled with joy regarding my decision.

There's Nothing Wrong With Me

I've been a big slacker when it comes to blogging lately, guys, I know. This weekend was actually kind of full of biking and outdoorsy stuff, plus I was trying to finish my Schadenfreude entry, which, for some reason, took forever. But I'll shut up about that already and get to the good stuff ("good" mean "juicy" or "interesting" in this case, not as in "pleasant" or "joyful").

As some of you may know, a little over three years ago I was involved in an awful car accident, which has since resulted in me bringing a lawsuit against the 88 year old guy who hit me and his stupid fucking insurance company (sorry, I can't help my vitriolic anger towards insurance companies at this point--they ALL suck, trust me). I decided to not because I'm a greedy, money grubbing, good-for-nothing bitch, but because the insurance company of the guy who hit me tried to claim that my accident was "an Act of God". No, I'm not shitting you. This is an actual clause in some insurance policies.

Thankfully, they eventually realized that argument wasn't going to fly with me, my insurance company, or any sane judge or jury. However, other guy's insurance company doesn't want to cough up the money for the nearly $20,000 I've incurred in medical bills since June 2003. This causes a major problem seeing as how I still haven't recieved treatment for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder I was diagnosed with in February of this year.

Now, those of you who know me personally might not be aware of my status as PTSD sufferer. That's because, well, I'm not very keen on labeling myself as such because I'm afraid people will think I'm crazy, which, contrary to what most people thought before I left for two years to live in a developing country, I'm not. I'm just....still a little haunted by my accident.

Anyway, Monday I had to go to the U of Iowa hospital and clinics for a mandatory evaluation. This evaluation was basically a "second opinion" requested on behalf of the other guy's insurance company. Needless to say I was looking forward to this like I would a root canal or filling out more paperwork for Peace Corps; I knew it would be a) long (like 5 hours, no shit), b) tedious, c) involve me re-living the events of my accident and d) result in the "doctor" doing the "evaluation" deciding there was "nothing wrong with me". Think about it, people: of course they're going to send me to an extremely conservative psychologist who doesn't believe there's anything wrong with me--it's only then that they'll have any bargaining tools to bargain with, right? The other guys insurance company stopped arguing months ago about who's fault it was; now it's a matter of how much I suffered, how much physical therapy and psychotherapy I'll need in the future and how much they want to avoid going to court. All these things need to be taken into account when deciding my settlement.

The appointment was about as bearable as it could be: they gave me a bunch of cognitive tests that measure my spatial, reasoning and verbal abilities. I scored "average" on the spatial and reasoning tests and "superior" on the verbal tests (big surpise there to all who know me, I'm sure). Before that, though, I had an interview with a Fellow (that's a title in medical field, not a reference to this gentleman's sex, although, he was a dude) in the Neuropsychology.

The interview was the part I was really dreading. Basically it's an hour to two hour long conversation where the psychologist asks me about the accident, how I feel about it, how it has affected my life, etc. Speaking vaguely about what's happened is something I can deal with, but going over a moment by moment account of everything that happened is really kind of traumatic. Basically I have to describe to an utter stranger how it felt to feel like I was going to die. I hate it. It makes me tear up even thinking about it.

So, after the interview and cognitive tests were done they gave me this personality test. I took this once before back in February (which I think I blogged about, but can't find the post, for some reason). It's 563 questions long. No kidding. It's basically a series of statements that you have to either answer true or false to depending on whether or not they apply to you. Some of the questions are really messed up, as in if-you-answer-yes-to-this-question-you-should-go- straight-to-the-looney-bin-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-$200. Some of them are just really weird like, "I like science" or "sometimes I like to hurt animals for fun". I mean, who doesn't like science or hurting animals? (Just kidding)

After those tests, I went to lunch, got some good Scientist lovin' and ate some delicious leftover tamales we made from scratch (yup, we're that cool; they were good too!). Then I went back to the Neuropsychology clinic for my final 'consultation'.

Basically, to make a long story short the "expert" they had hired told me there was nothing wrong with me. Here's what he said: "While the nightmares that you're having, along with re-living the accident and being fearful of driving are definatley consistant with PTSD, I don't think there's anything wrong with you." Translation: "I'm fully aware that I'm going to be paid quite a bit of money to say there's nothing wrong with you. So, guess what? That's what I'm doing. " Gee, what a surprise!

Explain this to me: how the fuck does this expert know what's wrong with me if he never did ANY of the consultation? His Fellow spent a couple hours with me, the research assistant spent a lot of time with me, but the only time the good doctor even spoke to me was to tell me nothing at all was wrong with me. Um, okay. That makes a lot of sense. You know what I'm going to do with his opinion? I'm going to put up on the shelve with all the other useless advice I've gotten over the years and go with doing what's going to help me. And that means getting treatment for this damn disease and feeling better. Just watch me.

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude \SHAH-dun-froy-duh\ noun, often capitalized: enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others

Example sentence: "There is simply no higher level of schadenfreude than when the rich or famous stumble." (John Gonzalez, Boston Magazine, August 2005)

Face it, we all indulge in a little schadenfreude from time to time. Now, I'm not saying it's anything to be proud of, or that we should encourage such behavior in others, but.... come on. Admit it: if someone's done you wrong, even if it was years and years ago, like say, in high school or something, you can't help but feel just a little smug, just a tiny bit of satisfaction, upon hearing about some sort of misforture that has befallen them.

Take, for example, a friend of mine who used to work at Lane Bryant while we were in college. One day we were talking about running into people from high school when she mentioned the satisfaction she felt when girls who had once been cheerleaders or on the dance team (and thought they were the shit) would come into LB, no longer snotty size 4s, shopping for clothes. That's schadenfreude in its purest form.

Or take, for example, a moment I had over a month ago while at B & N in IC. As some of you may know, I worked at two different B & Ns for over eight years (I believe I worked at the one in IC for almost 4 years). When I left for Peace Corps I thought I was leaving on at least reasonably good terms with virtually everyone I knew. Little did I know, my ex-boyfriend, Crazypants(who I'd broken up with about 5 months before I left the States), had begun dating a woman that we had both known for years, Baby Voice. Baby Voice spoke in this incredibly annoying little girl voice that Crazypants hated and use to make fun of when we were together (in fact, I distinctly remember Crazypants saying, "God, I could never date her because that voice would drive me crazy. Can you imagine being in bed with someone like that? It'd be like having sex with a five year old." I think that's nearly a verbatim quote, too.). But I digress.....

Just a few months later, however, I found out that they were dating. Now, that wouldn't have bothered me, really (I mean, other that the fact that he had moved on before me, but I get over that stuff pretty easily), except, I found out that they had started dating less than 4 months after we had broken up. While I was still in the States and trying to convince Crazypants that our break up was the best thing for both of us. Boy, was I a fucking chump.

WAIT...Before you jump to any conclusions about my "true feelings", think about this: he had gone on and on about how heart-fucking-broken he was after we broke up, plus all of the people who claimed they were my friends (ALL OF THEM) kept it from me. It was like a big secret. As in, "Psst...Crazypants and Baby Voice are banging. Don't tell R. Pass it on." That hurt the most. That kind of betrayal is hard for me to forgive.

So, needless to say, once I jumped on the plane to head off for my big adventure in Ukraine a bunch of really shitty stuff was said about me courtesy of Crazypants and Baby Voice. Private conversations I had with supposed friends about my doubts concerning Crazypants' emotional stability and his looney family came out, or, at least, were suddenly being relayed to Crazypants via Baby Voice in her attempt to make me seem like the evil ex-girlfriend who had the fucking gall to go Ukraine to do humanitarian work/make the world a better place and abandon him in the process.

Did I mention I have the ability to hold a grudge for eternity?

So, when I was in B & N a month ago and I saw Baby Voice and she looked like ass, I couldn't help but let out a loud internal cackle. I didn't care so much that she looked like shit. No, my satisfaction lay in the fact that she's so vain it would drive her nuts to think I saw in such bad shape and thus she'd be tortured by what I thought about how she looked . My schadenfreude lay in her being completely insecure about her appearance and driving herself nuts, not in the supposed downturn in her actual looks. Scadenfreude is sweet.

Some Like It Hot

Okay, so I'm not actually in St. Louis right now (nor was this picture [1] taken in STL, it was taken on Scientist's birthday in IC), I'm in Iowa City, but nevertheless when I was in STL I was extremely hot and sweaty. I believe the heat index was well over 100 yesterday in both Missouri and southern Iowa. ICK ICK ICK!

I had another really wonderful weekend with the Scientist. In fact, I was fairly amazed that things went as perfectly as they did considering it was unbearably hot and I figured we'd end up spending all day in Scientist's best friend's (best friend will here on out be referred to as Ice Cream man because he owns and runs an Ice Cream franchaise) apartment staring at each other. I should've known better than to think we'd just sit around; when I'm with Scientist we always have fun, and we always end up doing something I wouldn't have enjoyed doing on my own.

We arrived Friday night at around 9 pm at Ice Cream Man's apartment, hung out with Ice Cream Man's girlfriend, who let us in, and then, once Ice Cream Man arrived home from a baseball game he'd been at, we headed to this really cool, albeit odd, bar called Fox and Hound. It's pretty much exactly like you'd imagine it would be. It had this HUGE stuffed grizzly bear in the lobby and tacky English furniture to sit on at the bar. We sat and chatted for a good 2 hours before they kicked us out and we went back to Ice Cream Man's place and crashed.

Saturday, we braved the horrid STL weather and headed to Forest Park, which, I was informed is actually larger than Central Park in NYC. We walked around a bit, went to the Science Station and then headed to the zoo.

The St. Louis zoo totally kicked the Minneapolis zoo's ASS. It was a lot bigger than the M'aplois zoo, plus it looked a lot more well tended to than the MN zoo. I couldn't help but feel bad for the animals, though, especially the poor little kitties (can you imagine having a thick fur coat on in that heat?), who were all punked out in the shade, laying on their back looking adorable and dangerous. The last thing we saw was a big polar bear jump in his little pool and go for a swim, so I left feeling both better about the animals living through the heat and a little jealous that he got his own little pool complete with a waterfall.

Sunday, we walked around the St. Louis Botanical Gardens for a few hours. I was actually afraid I wouldn't be terribly entertained by a bunch of flowers, but again, I was really impressed. The gardens were so well taken care of, and there were plenty of places to just sit and make out, I mean, chill.

After a few hours, we decided to call it a day and made our way over to Scientist's parents' house where I met his entire family. When I say entire I mean pretty much everybody, except for a couple aunts and uncles and his grandmother. Scientist and I had brought some sweet corn from Iowa, so his family made that and we grilled hamburgers. Scientist has 4 nieces and nephews (all under the age of 8), so there was plenty of entertainment. They were all very good kids (I think his three year old niece is probably the smartest three year old I've ever met; she could add and everything!) and his family made me feel really welcomed. All of this came as a giant relief seeing as how I wasn't sure whether or not they'd like me. Thankfully, they seemed to take quite well to me and I felt totally at ease with them.

Monday we headed out to Ice Cream Man's store, indulged in some seriously rich ice cream and then headed off to Iowa. We stopped for while in Hannibal, attempted to eat something (I'm never hungry in this type of weather) and then got back in the car and drove pretty much straight through to IC.

All and all it was a pretty nice weekend. I wish we'd had more time to spend with Ice Cream Man and his girlfriend, but, well, you can't have everything. That and I wished we'd been able to bring our bikes with us so we could ride some of the Katie trail, which looked really pretty when Scientist pointed it out to me. I guess this gives us an excuse to head down there again--this time in the fall when it's not so damn hot!

[1]: Scientist hates this picture because he says it makes his cheeks look chubby. I, however, disagree. Aren't we adorable? Plus, I look pretty damn good (not to mention tan, which is highly unusual for me, even during the summer).

Quick Update About My Update

Uh, thank you, Ellen for pointing out the fact that I, in fact, forgot to put up an update about my dinner with my parents and Scientist. I have now added an update to the the post entitled "Worst Case Scenerio: Scientist Meets My Dad". Sorry for the delay.

Meeting the Parents

Yesterday was actually a fairly productive day. I had a great, super sweaty workout, complete with weight lifting. I also started a letter to my favorite teacher in Ukraine and sort of just dawdled around the house.

Speaking of the weather, this weekend is suppose to be ungodly hot both here and in St. Louis, where Scientist and I are heading for a little R & R. I hate hot weather. Wait, no, strike that--I hate humid weather, of which there is an abundance of in the Midwest. My clothes stick to me, my hair glues itself to the back of my neck, I'm tired, I'm cranky and, usually, unable to sleep. In fact, as far as I'm concerned there is no reason to be outside sweating your ass off if it's humid and above 90. Am I right?

I'm actually a little nervous about our little trip. Until now, I've only met a few of Scientist friends, but really nobody super important. His entire family, along with his best friend and old friend from college (best friend and old friend are now dating) live there and I'll get to meet ALL of them over the course of the next few days.

It's not that I think I won't like any of them; on the contrary, I think I'll like all them, it's that I'm afraid they won't like me. See, as some of you may remember, the last long term relationship I was in, when my ex-boyfriend, Crazypants, introduced me to his parents, they, initially, loved me. Unfortunately, I came to a series of realizations after that, the first being his family (with the exception of his father), was absolutely insane, dysfunctional and brought a whole new meaning to the word "controlling", and the second being that, Crazypants, was, likewise, crazy as a jail house rat. The apple never falls from tree, I guess.

The pure hell that Crazypants' family put me through for over 2 years is enough to make even the most level-headed and logical person a little skiddish. Now, to be fair, I try to avoid making comparisons between relationships a) because that's totally unfair to the person I'm currently dating and b) I'm a totally different person than I was when I dated the last guy and c) the guy I'm dating now is totally different than the person I was dating before (duh).

Nevertheless, I think my worries are well founded; I really want to make a good impression on Scientist's family. I know, logically, there's no reason why I wounldn't it's just that....I'm so different than his parents. First, I'm a big fat Liberal and his dad is both religious and conservative (I've been told on no uncertain terms to avoid the topic of abortion because both his dad and I are uncompromising in our very different view points and are likely to get into a pretty heated disagreement in said topic were to come up). Second, um, well, how do I put this delicately?....Uh, I'm fairly sure they know I spend days on end in Iowa City with their son (who's the baby in the family, to boot), so I'm pretty sure they know I've slept in the same bed with him. I don't know, it just makes me feel like they'll think I'm corrupting their son. Which I'm not--he was waaaay corrupted when I met him. I swear.

I'm probably worrying over nothing. I'm sure everything will go fine and we'll have a wonderful time meeting each other, but I think my concerns are pretty normal and valid. I mean, if Scientist can win over my dad, surely, I can win over his parents. Right?

Boredom Rules

I have got to do something productive today. I've been pretty lazy for the last few days, but today, damn it, I'm going to read something in Russian and start some letters to friends in Ukraine. Oh, and I'm going lift weights and do some cardio today if it freakin' kills me. Hmmm....I can't really think of anything else I should do, unless you count washing some dishes and picking up around the house.

Where has all my energy gone? It's 10:30 for Christ's sakes and I haven't done ANYTHING. I use to be one of those people who ran around all day. In fact, I was like that until just recently. Maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's being in love. Maybe if my conscious effort to decrease the amount of caffeine I drink. Maybe....it's being totally bored out of my mind has made me a boring person. Who knows.

A Happy, Tasty Birthday for My Scientist

I finished a long and very funny entry about Scientist's birthday earlier this morning only to have eaten by Blogger. Although, such a HIlarious entry can never be fully recreated, I'll try recounting the weekend in the same entertaining fashion as before.

Since Scientist was turning 32 on Sunday we decided that the whole weekend would be devoted to do exactly what he wanted to do. I thought this was only fair; I mean I'm going to expect him to do the same for me on my birthday.

On Saturday we started the day just sort of hanging out: we sat around, read a little, and then headed off to Kent Park (which, if you're an Iowa Citian you should totally check this place out; it's quieter and less crowded than Sugar Bottom or the Rez) for some hiking. All in all we ended up hiking for about 2 hours with the occasional stops for hugs (Scientist called them "Hug Breaks"--isn't that disgustingly cute?). We finished up the afternoon lolling around on a blanket after having the best damn bologna and cheese sandwich ever.

That evening Scientist decided that for his birthday dinner we would go to Devotay. I'd never actually been to Devotay, despite living in Iowa City forever and hearing nothing but rave reviews of their food. It's a Spanish tapas place, so it's got something for everyone, plus it's really easy to wind up ridiculously full, which is precisely what ended up happening to both of us. We had 'paella', this delicious rice dish with chicken, some really yummy spicy sausage, olives and peppers in it, along with a portabello and asiago quesadilla and some other tapas that I've already forgotten about, but which was also awesome.

Scientist had invited a bunch of people out to Speak Easy, a bar in Iowa City that's actually no where near the Ped Mall and, thus, far far away from the annoying undergrads out to get wasted on a Saturday night. For this I was extremely thankful, seeing as how I'm almost, um, 30, and I feel weird drinking Bud Light and screaming at the person I'm standing across from at a bar downtown like I did when I was 21. I can't do that anymore and still respect myself, seriously.

Anyway, I had been making comments for weeks now that I would like to see Scientist drunk. I've seen him tipsy (in fact the first night we went out we both ended up a little tipsy), but imagined that he would be a very entertaining drunk. I ended up being right about that because a whole bunch of people from his department at the U of Iowa ended up showing up and they all kept buying him drinks and shots, so by the time we ended up at Joe's downtown (drinking with a bunch of undergrads, of course) he was wasted.

All in all, I think it turned out to be a pretty darn good birthday. We had good food, I got to meet some more of his friends, we did something fun outside....really, what more could he asked for. The only problem I see is I've now set the bar extremely high for him for my 30th birthday which is at the end of September. In fact, I doubt that sort of perfection can be topped, really. I guess we'll see, huh?

Reappearance

Okay, okay, I know I suck. It's been almost two weeks now since I posted anything new, and now that I am posting, this entry is going to be fairly short and not very entertaining at all. HA! Now that you've been forewarned you can't complain.

What the hell have I been doing? Well, I've been working, gazing into my Scientistchik's lovely blue eyes and spending time outside. Other that that, I've felt pretty nasty (like I said earlier, I'm on this new medication that's making me crazy and nauseous), so I haven't done a whole lot. Oh, and I've been thinking a lot about what the hell I'm going to do this fall. More about that later.

I promise, promise, promise to post a whole bunch in the coming week or so. I just finished up a project at work and I should have nuttin' but time on my hands for the next few weeks.