Today is going to be one of the longest days of the summer. No, it has nothing to do with the summer solstice making the day at least seem longer or having to sit through hours of Firefly with my lovely Scientist. Rather, today is the day I'm finally going to find out if I was accepted into the Masters of Public Health Administration and Policy program at the University of Minnesota. How do I know this? Because, finally, after weeks of polite and not-all-that-polite hounding, I was promised by the academic co-ordinator at U of M that I will have an answer today. Still no word from Iowa.
Of course, when I first read that I felt a rush of excitement. AN ANSWER! Finally. But now, after examining my emotions regarding my impending admittance to an MPH program, I'm not so sure I want an answer either way, because that means the ball will be in my court.
If I'm only admitted into the U of Minnesota and not the U of Iowa, then my decision has pretty much been made for me (the same as if I'm only admitted into the U of Iowa and not the U of Minnesota, which is probably the least likely scenario of the two possible). That pretty much means I'm going to have to get my ass in gear and find a place in Minneapolis (how I'm going to do this, I don't know), get my financial aid stuff figured out, buy a car (no small task there, eh?), pack my shit and complete turn my relationship with the Scientist on its head. That last part--the part about completely uprooting my budding "romance" (God, I hate that word)--is the cause of my trepidation.
I don't want to leave him, but for the sake of my future career and limitless ambition, I think I may very well have to. I keep trying to reason with myself: Scientist will be finishing his Ph.D. this next year and its probably best if I'm not here to distract him, we've only been dating for about 2 months (a little less, actually) so I can not can not can not let this relationship dictate my future, I've never let a relationship control my decisions so I shouldn't start doing that now, etc. So, why is it nagging at me still? How did I let this man get to me so easily? How did he manage to weasel his way into my life so effortlessly without me noticing?
I can't win. I'll be really disappointed if I don't get in and I'll be really at a loss if I do get in. Jesus, why didn't someone warn me Adulthood sucked so much?
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hmmm robin. many thoughts on this- first off- you will do well where ever you end up, i have no doubt. (i would guess it has something to do with your fantastic intellect and your need to do your best at all times. . . and your best is better than most!)
the second thing, though- adulthood, by definition, sucks. so be a "kid" and be selfish every once in a while. figure out a way that the scientist and yourself can make something work while your both pursuing other goals. at some point, a relationship is going to HAVE to govern what you do, where you go and how you live- it's part and parcel of being intimate. . . otherwise, dont start one! i have every faith you will figure something out that helps all parties involved and STILL become president of peace corps in your spare time! love you lady!
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