EMDR

It is never ceases to amaze me how fast this blog can wind up out-of-date. You'd think I was horrendously busy or something.

Actually, I am pretty busy between classes, homework, work, working out and cuddling with my Scientist (yes, I know that's icky sweet). It's all I can do to keep up with Project Runway and call my mother every week.

Things have been going pretty well, I guess, except I'm starting to get ridiculously worried about money--if I don't finish up my PTSD treatment and get this lawsuit FINALLY settled I'm not going to be able to pay for tuition and will be totally screwed financially. Why, oh, why couldn't I have been born into money? Or have a gift for business and a degree from a highly ranked business school?

Speaking of my PTSD treatment, things have been going very well with my therapist, Dr. L. I don't think I've actually described the treatment I've been undergoing thus far: it's called 'Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing' or EMDR. Essentially it involves "reprocessing" whatever traumatic event it is that's causing you anxiety or depression.

EMDR is a fairly revolutionary treatment: the patient sits with his/her eyes closed with headphones on, holding this little disks in each hand. The therapist basically guides him or her through re-living the event while the patient listens to alternating beeps in each ear and feels the little disks vibrate in each hand. I know it sounds totally wacky (that's what I thought when I first heard about it), but the logic behind the treatment is sound (pardon the pun). The idea is that when you undergo something highly traumatic that causes you to avoid things in your life associated with the event or causes some sort of psychological stress, the centers in your brain that control emotion and logic get "clogged up". The beeping in your ears and the vibrating disks in your hands are basically used to stimulate both sides of your brain while you're reprocessing it, hopefully with the goal of removing any and all sense of fear that's associated with the aforementioned event.

How does this treatment relate to me and my PTSD? Good question. I get really anxious when I drive, especially when I'm in any situation that involves driving somewhere where I can't always see the driver or when there's any sort of blind spot whatsoever, like say pulling out of Scientist's parking lot. Additionally, I get super nervous when I'm driving anywhere near anyone with white hair, or when someone rushes up behind me, or when I'm close to a big van/car/truck/semi....If you think about how often you encounter any of these situations over the course of a day, you can see I'm constantly winding up in situations that cause me to freak out (sometimes literally).

This, of course, doesn't include my daymares, nightmares, my overwhelming anger at the guy who hit me or how shitty some of my "friends" were after the accident. Needless to say, we're trying to cover a lot of ground and get me back to a place where I'm not pissed off or afraid of something a lot of the time.