Good News/Bad News

August is the month of major decisions and shifts in my life apparently.


About a week ago I applied for a job at Planned Parenthood. It sounded fabulous: I'd be working as a clinic assistant which means I'd be talking to women about their birth control options and providing those who were about to have abortions information about the procedure. It was 20 hours per week, full health/dental/vision benefits and I'd have Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays off.

I say "would have" because I didn't get it, damn it. There were two other candidates besides me. I was really disappointed because I thought I had a really good chance at this job; I did HIV/AIDS outreach in Ukraine, along with doing a little bit of volunteer work with Planned Parenthood in CR when I was 16. But, alas, I lost out again.

So, instead, I'll be working at the Java House. I know I should be excited that I at least have a job, but I'm not. I feel like I've basically picked up exactly where I started when I left for Ukraine, meaning my life has gone no where and will continue to go no where as long as I'm working jobs that pay shit and get me no where professionally. I'm almost 30 for Christ sakes. This is what I would grudgingly call "good news".

Then I remind myself that I'm enrolling in grad classes this fall and that I can't expect to find a fabulous part-time job because those are hard to come by in this town. That, and I can't just give up looking: I'll find something. Maybe someone in the Public Health department at Iowa will be able to hook me up with some sort of internship or something once I'm admitted to the program. I hate waiting, though.....

I know I should abandon the idea that this sort of work is "beneath me". Clearly, it's not, and furthermore it's totally obnoxious for me to think this way, but....I can't help it. I'm frustrated.

In much less disheartening news, I met with my super great therapist, Dr. L, yesterday to discuss treatment for my PTSD. Dr. L does a certain type of therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Restructuring). I'm not going to bore you with the details, but let's just say it's been enormously sucessful for PTSD suffers and I'll hopefully benefit from it.

Anyway, the good news is a) she agrees with the doctor who originally diagnosed me with PTSD and b) she's not going to charge me for anything until I get my settlement (I didn't ask her to do this, she volunteered the idea herself!). She was really sympathetic and cool, which was a nice change from the last yahoo I dealt with at the U of I. In fact, I felt more comfortable with her than I have anybody else I've talked to about how I've felt. She's even willing to testify in court if I need her to (let's hope and pray that's not the case; I really don't want to go to court).

This weekend Scientist and I are going on a 20 mile bike ride. Sunday we're having my mom over for ribs. I hope you all have a fabulous weekend and enjoy this much cooler weather!