grumplstilskin

Today was kind of a shitty day. I woke up tired, drove my mom to work, then spent the morning looking at computers and MP3 players on-line, only to turn around and beat myself up for my burgeoning materialism.

After that I came home and starting working on my grad school essay for my application to Carnegie Mellon, which, until this afternoon I thought was coming together quite nicely. Well, true to form, I sat down to read what I had written so far and started to doubt how good it actually was. I've fought this battle with myself for about the last 15 years (since I started high school); just when I start to feel smart or proud of myself for something I've accomplished or done I'm overwhelmed with insecurity.

This was no different: I started reading what I had written and nearly erased the two pages I'd been working on (thankfully, I didn't). Why do I do this shit to myself? I psyched my out of the fucking GREs (and now I have to take them over again) and now I'm going to back myself into writer's block. It's a four page paper, for god's sake! This is not rocket science! I'm going to get into this program--I know it.

Honestly, I think part of my problem is I need to stop living so much in my head. I need get out; make some new friends or, say, may be even (gasp) go on a date. I think that'd be a good start on getting my confidence back. That or I need to get a life and get over myself.