Lawsuit

I've been in kind of a pissy mood lately. Gee, I can't imagine why: I'm lonely, broke, unemployed and getting fatter and fatter (despite my nearly exemplary diet and going to the gym four times a week). Oh, did I mention I might be crazy and depressed?

I shouldn't say I'm crazy. I'm not, not clinically, at least. I may be depressed, though, as the result of a car accident I had almost three years ago that wound me up in the hospital for 3 days and physical therapy for months. See, it appears as though the fantasically bloody daymares (I call them daymares because I have them while I'm awake, as opposed to when I'm asleep like regular nightmares) I've been having aren't normal. My lawyer, Ron and his assistant, Ron (yup, they have the same first name) decided that in order to get the "big picture" of all the damage this guy who hit me caused me, I should have an assment done by a specialist.

This didn't seem so bad at first. That is until I learned that a) this specialist fella lives 1 1/2 hours away from me, b) it's a FIVE HOUR assessment and c) this means I'm going to spend five fucking hours reliving one of the worst times in my life. I'm really looking forward to it, as you can imagine.

So, if I am diagnosed with post-traumatic stress syndrome, like they suspect I will be, what do I do then? Do I start shoveling pills in my mouth? Do I start seeing a psychiatrist? When will I be over it? What do I do? Am I going to have to go at this alone? What will it mean to my case against this guy? Can't I be one of the few people in the world that's not depressed?

Sometimes I wonder if bringing this court case wasn't a huge mistake. Then I think about all medical bills and bullshit I would have to deal with on my own with no financial help at all if I didn't file this lawsuit. I hate the fact that I have to do all this in order to just get the fucking money I need to cover my medical costs. Is this the way insurance and insurance companies always work?

Is this what it's come to--putting a monetary value on pain and suffering and all the hours I've spent replaying the accident what would have happened had there been someone in the passenger's seat or if one of the numerous kids who were outside playing that day would've been hit. I have get into a fucking pissing match with Allstate Insurance company about that? Why? Why does this have to be so difficult?