Quit whining for God's sakes!

After reading over the last few posts I realize how absolutely whiney I sound, complaining about my grad school trials and my general ennui. I guess being chipper just isn't in my repertoire of emotions right now.

You'd think I'd have a little bit more insight into how incredibley lucky I am to live in a warm house with an abundance of running hot water. You'd think I'd appreciate my mom for giving me a place to live until I get on my feet and get things settled. You would think....

Whenever I start being hard on myself I always wonder if maybe I should knock it off and maybe give it a break. Then, before that thought gets too far I always think of all the people I know who've given themselves too much of a break and are doing nothing with their lives. People who have resigned themselves to shitty temp jobs scoring eighth grade standardized tests. People who have worked at Barnes and Noble as booksellers for 8 years. That's okay when you're in early to mid twenties. That was okay when I was twiddling my thumbs waiting to leave, but I'm starring Thirty in the eye. And she's a total unforgiving bitch.

I don't want to "put off" grad school again. Whenever I put shit off, or, when things ends up being religated to the back burner for reasons beyond my control, it always ends up biting me in the ass. I put off breaking up with Jason and ended up breaking his heart. I ended up leaving for Ukraine over a year later than I had planned and ended up in the hospital after a nasty car crash which very nearly kept me from leaving at all. I put off doing anything about my living situation in Ukraine and ended up living in less than ideal conditions. I know this and yet the cycle continues.

Damn it! I just got done going on and on about how I should count my blessings and here I am complaining again....I know I'll get over this slight set back--hell, I don't even know if this is a set back, I haven't heard anything from Marquette yet. In the meantime I just need to chill out and give myself a bit of break. I guess.